it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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