First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
