so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
