when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
