She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
