I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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