i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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