I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
