She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
