In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
