Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
