Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
