ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
