They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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