My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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