It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
