oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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