I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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