ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
