you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
