meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
