i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
