is your mom at the bar?
i already hear my dad disowning me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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