i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
