it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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