Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
