Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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