I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
