Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
