He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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