Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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