my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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