help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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