I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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