Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
