he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
