just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
