mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
