can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
