I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
