you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
