It's like God shit irony all over that family
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
