I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My dick has a subreddit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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