i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just googled if crying burns calories
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
