Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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