I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
