I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
