She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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