I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so that wasnt chicken after all
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
