oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
