I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
