I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
