Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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