i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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