I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
