I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
