I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
