he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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