Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
