The maid of honor just puked.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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