I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
